Things I'm Willing To Do For My Son (and Things I'm Not)

Catatan: Awalnya gw ga menuliskan nama dokter yang gw ceritain di sini, tapi kemudian gw tulis setelah dapet update cerita dari suami gw.

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I've drained my emotion and some of the exchanges has been repressed, so this post should be cool. Had I write this yesterday, it would be so full of rage I may not be able to write coherently.

And yes, my son is here already :)
But that's a story for another post.

So.
My son was diagnosed with tongue tie. His peds refered him to dr. Asti Praborini, Sp.A., IBCLC, an expert in that issue. I've read about her many times in articles related to tongue tie and it seems like she's one of the go-to person in Jakarta about tongue tie, so I thought bringing my son to her was on point despite the effort to bring my son to her practice which is quite far from where I reside now. Regarding the treatment for my son's tongue tie, it was. But....

I was caught off guard the first time I entered her room. I couldn't pinpoint the reason but my first impression was "why does she seem not friendly?". You know, it's like you meet a new person and out of nowhere got a hunch that you won't get along well with that person. Mimi would call that "cit" feeling haha.. That feeling aside, my husband and I sat facing her and she started asking questions about our plans about breastfeeding our son. I was uncomfortable with the way she asked questions and more so with the way she responded to our answers. It was like being in an oral comprehension test with Bu MZ. I could handle that, but I was confused as I thought I shouldn't feel like that as a patient. My job is very alike with hers, and "being tested" is not how I would like my clients to feel.

We proceeded. She performed incision to my son's tongue tie (and lip tie, I was told later on by another doctor - dr. Asti didn't mention anything about this) and from what I've read I assumed that after the incision I will breastfeed my son and go home. Go home happily, I might add, because the procedure should make breastfeeding easier and more comfortable for my son and me, right?

Boy how I was wrong.

After the incision (it's not scary, btw) my son was brought to me and I was expected to breastfed him. He didn't want to, maybe because his mouth was still feeling weird after the anesthesia and the incision. Then dr. Asti "helped" by teaching... oh slash that. that was not teaching... positioning my son to (later on i knew it's called) cross-cradle hold and then football hold. *i'm struggling to write the experience here. it's hard. and dammit i can't* OK I may can't write in details here about how it went, but the whole process was very emotional for me. I went through a multitude of feelings: frustrated because my son didn't want to be breastfed, confused and didn't know what to do because dr. Asti kept telling me that my position was wrong but didn't give clear instruction and didn't accept what I tried to improve the condition, shocked by how not gentle she handled my son and totally disliked it, and offended because she judged me (for example by saying "Kamu pasti ga bisa masak, soalnya ga terampil megang bayi" to which I wanted to retort "Ya saya emang ga masak anak bayi juga sih"). I was literally choking back tears and struggling to compose myself, yet I didn't feel angry. But apparently dr. Asti had different opinion. Through the process I was looking at my son, because where else was I supposed to look when talking to him and trying to breastfeed him, right? And suddenly dr. Asti pulled my chin and turned my face toward hers, saying "Jangan marah sama yang ngajarin" sternly.

OUTRAGEOUS.
No one ever did that to me.
No one has the right to.

Rage boiled inside me. Choking back tears was significantly harder. I wanted to slap her hand but both my hands were holding my son.

I can't imagine a health service provider, a counselor, doing that to her client. I can't imagine myself doing that to my client. Not in my wildest dream. I can't believe she just did that to me.

So, well..
Bringing my son to the best option out there when he needs medical treatment is something I'm definitely willing to do.
But going back to that doctor is not.

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Update:
Tadi Andy cerita kalo ternyata dr. Asti bilang ke dia "Kamu harus hati-hati, istri kamu baby blues dan bisa depresi". Di titik gw denger cerita itulah gw memutuskan untuk menuliskan nama dr. Asti di sini. Gw ga marah dengernya, malah bengong dan ngakak. Asli lah. Menguap sudah rasa marah gw, berganti "Yaelah kalo dia ngasal begini mah berarti ga usah gw ambil hati lah semua omongannya". Di sisi lain, gw jadi khawatir pengalaman kaya gini juga terjadi pada orang lain dan efeknya merugikan, makanya gw putuskan untuk nulis nama dokternya di sini.

Waktu dr. Asti manggil Andy dan nyebutin "diagnosis" tadi, Andy dalam hati bilang "Sekarang mah bukan baby blues lah, yang ada dia lagi pengen nonjok elu" haha.. Trus dia jawab ke dokternya "Ah kalo depresi sih jauh, saya lebih tahu".

Yes, we know better.

We know better about our condition.

And we know better than judging clients and giving psychological diagnosis without proper anamnesis.

Gw psikolog, Andy sarjana psikologi. Kami tahu pasti bahwa gw saat ini insya Allah tidak sedang mengalami baby blues dan tidak memiliki risiko tinggi untuk mengalami post-partum depression.

Kami "beruntung" karena punya dasar ilmu untuk mempertimbangkan kembali dan menolak "diagnosis" dokter itu. Tapi gimana kalo hal itu diomongin ke orang yang ga ngerti? Gw khawatir malah bikin down. Apalagi kalo selama sesi si ibu baru juga di-judge ga terampil megang anak kayak gw. Udah mah dinilai ga kompeten sama figur yang dianggep lebih tau, dianggep bisa depresi pulak. Bae-bae jadi baby blues atau depresi beneran. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Ini berbahaya dan jelas merugikan pasien.

Gw berbagi pengalaman ini bukan untuk mendiskreditkan dr. Asti.
Poin gw adalah: Jangan menerima mentah-mentah apa kata orang, bahkan kalopun orang itu adalah figur otoritas seperti dokter. Take everything with a grain of salt, do your homework reading about your condition, and don't be hesitate to look for second opinion.

Semoga bermanfaat :)